Investigating the Letter M
by NovemberNite
Summary: Alice has just completed another adventure, this one to China. She is on her way back to London contemplating dreams and the rest of her life when, as things usually happen for her, things abruptly and impossibly change.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Once again, this has been written for my great friend, Random Battlecry. Ran, I love you dearly for reading this, for liking this, and for being my brilliant beta. Also, I do not own Alice in Wonderland or the characters or Tim Burtons amazing manipulation of the characters or… well. Let us get on with the story. **_

The quarter moon sat above the horizon**,** grinning across the sea beneath clouds moving rapidly across the sky above. Water lapped aggressively against the side of the ship and a strong salty wind blew across the choppy waters**, **bringing a sudden spray of water into the face of a young woman standing on the deck of the Wonder.

The moon grinned at Alice like an old friend. It might have been laughing at the antics of the water, if the moon could laugh. If the moon were a cat, however, it could have been grinning about anything. It could have been laughing at _her_, for instance, for being on the deck of a ship that was about to be tossed on the sea in the swiftly approaching storm. Instead of, for example, walking through the Tulgey Wood with an eccentric hatter at her side, yelling at her for not slaying.

Or staying…

"Oh**,** Hatter," she sighed, and wiped with her coat sleeve at the salty water running down her face. "How you could imagine that I would forget you**, **when everything within an inch of my nose reminds me of Underland…"

Had she really been gone for two years?

She believed in six impossible things before breakfast, she _did_; but the events of the last two years were hard to add to the list, because they were quite possible and, in fact, did happen. The death of her mother, first. It had happened suddenly**, **just over a year ago; a weakness of the heart sustained long ago, when she'd contracted Scarlet Fever in her teens. In his kind letter, Lord Ascot had informed her that it was quite miraculous that her mother had lived as long as she had, not to mention successfully bearing two healthy children.

Of course, her mother had believed in impossible things as well. With her impossible husband and equally impossible youngest daughter, she would have had to. Lord Ascot made the arrangements for her mother's burial and the Kingsleigh Estate went to her sister Margaret. Another bit of news that was possible to the point of impossibility was that her sister and husband were expecting their second child. Alice had missed it all of course, following her father's dream all the way to China. She knew Margaret the maiden but not Margaret the mother and she most certainly did not know Margaret's children. In fact, everything she did know in London seemed to have been buried with her dear mother.

And yet, she did not regret going to China. Nor did she regret leaving it. Another associate was taking over the China office, and Lord Ascot had requested that Alice come home to London. He'd made the plea that he was getting on in years, but she knew that he wanted her to come back and marry. She firmly believed her mother had put him up to it as a last request… let her play in China until she became bored of the game, and then marry her off!

Well, she had accomplished what she had come back to accomplish and her life was so full of dreams that she didn't have the time or inclination for regrets… well, not many. She regretted the look in gold-green eyes when she had tilted the jabberwocky's blood to her lips. But she had seen her father's dream through, now she could see to her own; and how Alice Kingsleigh could dream! Why**,** the previous night she had a dream that would not leave her thoughts for more than a moment. It certainly wasn't a memory. After that fateful and frabjous day**,** she knew the difference between dreams**,** and dreams that were memories**,** and dreams that had a foundation in memory but were still just dreams.

It was that dream that had her gazing across the sea at a moon that grinned familiarly at her; grinned as if it knew the darkest area of her mind and was _dying_ to tell someone the secrets that lay there. It was the dream that had her mind turning over so vigorously that she was pacing restlessly across the deck, rather than going to dinner.

In the dream, she had been looking down at the flat surface of the most splendid top hat she had ever seen. It was singed around the edges but was covered in fine cloth**; **several hat pins were sticking into the side. Protruding from beneath the hat was a wild tangle of hair the color of the ocean sky at sunset; and frombelow _that_ a quiet and serious voice was speaking up to her with a slight lisp.

"You're always too tall or too small…"

She distantly heard herself reply, "Too small or too tall for what?"

And then she was looking up into glowing eyes and her breath caught in her throat. His eyes were the same bright color as the ocean when the sun shines down on it at midday, alternately golden and then vibrant green, depending on the angle from which you looked at them.

"For this," he replied, and his hands gently cupped her face on each side. His voice had startled her out of the serious contemplation of his eyes**. **She felt on her cheek the scratchy texture of the bandage on his finger from where he had pricked himself with a sewing needle or cut himself on a pair of scissors… or a broken tea cup. His voice had suddenly sounded slightly Scottish (she paused in her remembering to congratulate herself on the alliteration) and slightly rough, like the bandage, and though it no longer contained its familiar lisp, it was still so heartbreakingly familiar. She felt herself trembling as she stared up at him; into those glowing eyes filled with curiosity, compassion, madness, admiration, and something else that she couldn't name.

"For what?" she whispered, staring up at him**,** heart full of the sensations of his hands on her face and his eyes locked on hers.

And then she felt his lips on hers, soft and wet and full of the something else that had been in his eyes that she couldn't name. His long sweeping eyebrows tickled against her temples and if she closed her eyes tight enough and thought hard enough, she could still feel all of it as though it were happening right then, on the deck of the _Wonder_, beneath the grinning moon.

In the dream, when she had still been dreaming--- and this reminded her again of the difference between dreams which are only dreams and memories of dreams (or was it the other way around?)--- Alice had squeaked like a dormouse and jumped back, quickly reaching over and pinching herself on the arm. The fact that the pinch had awoken her caused her to lie in bed weeping until it was time for breakfast, and she had quite forgotten about six impossible things. Her poor confused mind had been focused on only one.

"Alice," she said to herself now, on the deck,suddenly weary of dreams and memories, "I believe you're more than a little half mad."

"You would have to be…." A voice, seemingly carried on the wind, drifted off unfinished.

"To dream you up," she supplied to the night, to the moon, to the voices in her head. "Except I didn't dream you up… but you couldn't be more perfect for me if I had."

The statement that escaped her lips caused her to gasp and glare threateningly at the moon.

"If you say _one word_," she addressed the sickle of light, wagging a finger… but she never got a chance to finish what she was going to say. A bright fork of lightening shot across the sky at the same moment that the ship pitched violently sideways. She lost her balance and fell with a sharp and dismayed cry over the side.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: Once again, many thanks to my lovely Beta, Random-Battlecry. She's also a brilliant writer, so look her up. Also, I still don't own anything as much I would like to take credit for the brilliance that inspired my plot bunnies to drive me to the keyboard. And, I like reviews... so I thank those that did and I also would like to thank those of you who took an interest in this story. _**

The fall was blessedly short but ended in being terribly cold and wet and she was submerged immediately as another wave crashed over her. The weight of her clothes dragged her further under and she kicked them off frantically while cursing, not for the first time in her life, having been born a woman. When she was free she opened her eyes and looked up and then down through the dark, churning water**,** no longer certain which direction the surface lay.

It occurred to her that she was probably going to die and all of her lovely dreams would remain just those… dreams. She would never walk through the Tulgey wood again or converse with a prickly Rose. Absolem would never again give her obscure advice and she would never see the Hatter's eyes change from green to gold when he became angry and started shouting in the accent that reminded her of a Scottish brogue. She imagined he'd be terribly angry if he learned that she'd died in such a foolish manner. She imagined that he'd be even angrier if he never found out that she… that she what?

Her thoughts were flying so fast in her head, imagining what everyone might say concerning her death**,** that it was several moments before she realized that _something_ quite hard was beneath her chest and stomach and she was gripping it as though her life depended on it. The fact that her life _did_ depend on it was a fact that did not escape her**; **but it was only a moment before consciousness did. The fear of death, the shock of the frigid water, and more importantly the lack of oxygen in her lungs worked the inevitable, and so she never realized that the _something_ had broken the surface of a calm sea beneath a starry sky and was moving at a mournful pace with her limply astride it.

* * *

Sunlight streamed from between cracks in the clouds and a single beam found its way to the closed eyes of the sleeping Alice. The closed eyes slowly opened and her arm was suddenly flung over them to block the light which, feeling dejected, hid behind the clouds again. She was lying on wet sand and the ocean, considerably warmer than the night before, lapped playfully at her feet.

The night before….

She sat up quickly and looked around. The _Wonder_ was nowhere in sight. Only the ocean lay endlessly before her. A quiet, muffled moan made her turn her head to the left. Standing next to her on its hind flippers was a great turtle with great tears flowing down its great sallow cheeks. When it realized she had opened her eyes, the muffled sound turned into loud sobs. Between them, it cried out, "Oh Alice, we thought you had died!"

"Didn't I?" she murmured, standing and brushing the sand off her undergarments. She wore nothing but her chemise and drawers, having kicked off everything else that was dragging her under the water the night before. At least there was no one but a turtle on the… wherever she was.

"I don't know if you're dead or not." The turtle flopped onto his belly in the sand and slowly began to shuffle back to the sea. "Can humans walk about when they're dead?"

"I remember you," she cried suddenly. "You're the Mock Turtle! You and a Gryphon told me the story of the Lobster Quadrille and all about going to school in the sea, when I was a child."

"Aye, aye," sobbed the turtle, turning his long neck to look at her. "I'm a teacher now… of oysters. Terrible plague, walruses! Several young ones were victims of a socially transmitted disease." And the turtle began to sob even louder. "I was on my way back here from a lesson when you kicked me in the back!"

"I'm terribly sorry about that, but surely you didn't feel it," she said helplessly. "I mean…"

"Feel it!" the Mock Turtle cried, shuffling along a little faster. "Feel it? I was shell shocked!"

"Where are you going**?**" Alice rushed forward as he reached the water**.** "I don't want to be left alone here!"

"Would you have rather I left you alone in the sea?" the turtle countered. "But oh, the queen would have had my head for it! But that's right, it's not _that_ queen any longer… thanks to you. However, I must be off to the other side of the island; peanut butter and jellyfish are spreading about on the sand, which is there. Oh! And the White Queen will be here shortly. I sent the Gryphon to fetch her."

And then he was gone, and Alice was alone on the beach in her undergarments, wringing her hands.

"Oh, I hope the Hatter isn't with her…"

"He will be," a voice sobbed mournfully from a distance in the water.

"Well, did you at least ask the Gryphon to request some clothes for me?" she cried to the ocean, but no response came. She stood in the sand, tempted to bury herself in it up to the neck.

"Oh honestly," and she kicked the sand at the thought, "it's not as though he hasn't seen me naked before…"

She abruptly turned scarlet. The sound of hooves made her scramble to cover herself and in the end, she flung herself into the water and swam out far enough to stand with the water reaching just below her neck.

"I'm just out for a swim in peanut butter and jellyfish infested waters," she rehearsed to herself, knowing how ridiculous of an excuse that was and not really caring as four beautiful horses came to a stop at the water's edge. The water eagerly rushed toward the sets of shiny hooves; the magnificent creatures danced back as one. Disappointed, the water edged away and seemed to swirl around Alice's waist seeking comfort. She unconsciously ran her hands soothingly across the surface as she stared up into one of the most beautiful and intriguing faces she had ever seen.

It seemed a lifetime had gone by since she had seen that face. It hadn't aged a day and she wondered for a moment if it was apparent that she had. She was, after all, nearly twenty-three; practically a spinster. It made her search the face even more for tell-tell lines of strain or weariness or… loneliness? The darker lips and large eyes contrasted with the pale, white face but nothing contrasted with the image her memory brought forth and…

The woman in white next to the visage of her scrutiny cleared her throat but Alice simply could not turn her attention to Queen Mirana from the Hatter. He was sitting on a dappled mare slightly behind and to the right of the queen, and his face was fixed in an expression that she could not quite read; but wanted very much to call _joy_.

"That's Alice!" he smiled happily. "I'd know him anywhere."


	3. Chapter 3

"That's Alice!" he cried. "I'd know him anywhere."

"My dear Alice," the White Queen smiled down at her, raising her right hand above her head in what was meant to be a graceful gesture but, to Alice, looked preposterous. "Whatever are you doing in the water?"

Poor Alice pretended not to hear the question as her eyes followed the white and beautifully manicured hand into the air and watched in fascination as it knocked his hat off. . .

"You should come back to shore, Alice**.**" His voice was laced with concern even as he grabbed alarmingly at his hat as it tumbled into his lap,and accidentally smacked the queen's hand down. He didn't seem to notice the latter as he carefully replaced the precious article of haberdasheryatop his head and added, "You're starting to get sunburned. Your face and throat are _alarmingly_ red."

Alice thought quite seriously of drowning herself there and then.

However, as flippant as the White Queen could seem, she was by no means stupid. "Gentlemen, please turn around. I believe that Alice is lacking… proper attire."

"But she didn't have proper attire when…" the Hatter began but was silenced by the sharp look from the queen.

"Tarrant, please just turn around."

Queen Mirana waited until no one was looking before she slid off her great white horse and ran to the edge of the water. Leaning forward, and with a wink to Alice, she began whispering to the gently lapping waves. Alice was straining to hear what the queen was saying when it seemed that a great hand pushed her from behind and she stood on the shore wearing a long flowing dress the color of the sea. It even flowed like the sea, and when the sunbeams caught it the light danced and reflected on the surface. It was as though it were made of water.

"It is," the queen smiled secretively at Alice, answering the unspoken question.

It felt like cool silk against her skin, but the queen suddenly looked at her in dismay. With a look of mild disgust, she reached a pale hand down to Alice's skirt where a small fish was swimming happily in the folds of the fabric seeming garment. She plucked out the tiny purple fish by its tail-fins and tossed it back into the water. It surfaced for a moment, blew a raspberry at them both, and darted off into a wave.

"Now you are presentable, my dear." She clapped her hands. "Alice is properly attired! Everyone may turn round!"

The Hatter and the two guards the queen had brought turned back to the women. Alice was wondering how she could have forgotten that his name was Tarrant. Of course, she'd only heard him called that once; it occurred to her now to wonder if he preferred being called Tarrant, or simply went by the title of his profession. She smiled brightly as he raised the eyes she'd beenthinking so much about the previous night to hers**;** but the smile faded into a gasp of concern as he promptly slid sideways off the mare and landed on his back in the sand.

"Are you alright?" she cried, rushing to his side to help him stand.

"You look," he started, "that is, I didn't think…." He tried again and ended up finishing with, "Alice, your sunburn is gone."

"Six impossible things before breakfast," she smiled, helping him to his feet and brushing sand off his back.

"I'm glad you're back." He returned her smile and raised a bandaged hand to her face; but it faltered and dropped before he touched her. "Are you leaving again soon? I know you didn't come here with a purpose."

"No, I did not arrive here with porpoise. I arrived with a turtle. But I _did_ arrive… " She turned to include the queen in their conversation. "And this time I hope to remain. I'm fairly certain they'll all believe me to be dead soon and I am … fine with that."

"You're fine with being dead?" It was one of the guards who asked the question and Alice saw the same question reflecting in her dear Hatter's eyes.

"But you're _not_ dead?" His eyebrows had risen to the rim of his hat and his eyes were starting to brighten to that gold tinted green that practically screamed he was about to have a fit of emotion. She tried to head it off but it was far too late and his voice spilled from his lips rapidly in that growling Scottish seeming brogue. "As I was riding here, believing that Alice was dead, I was investigating words that begin with the letter M, like morbid, and macabre."

"Hatter!" she cried.

"Mortuary… mausoleum…"

"Tarrant!" she tried again.

"Mourning! Maliferous!" he continued, beginning to pace.

Alice decided to try a different approach and with a slight smile curling her lips calmly interjected, "Myoxine."

He stopped and slowly turned those amazing eyes to her before his head followed them.

"Manicism," she continued as she took his left hand and gently stroked her fingers over the bandages before placing it over her steadily, if rapidly, beating heart.

She sighed in relief when his eyes gradually darkened back to vibrant green as they were fixated on his battered and bandaged hand. He could feel the sigh against his hand… _his _hand pressed to _her_ chest.

He glanced up into her eyes and replied very seriously, "Mammiferous."

Alice laughed. The sound surprised her because it had seemed a very long time since she had last laughed. It was an infectious laugh and it was barely a moment before a bright smile quickly erased his last vestige of panic and a look of undisguised amazement took its place. She was still holding his hand over her heart.

"Yes," she agreed. "That would be an M word describing me, but then I wouldn't be a "him", now would I?"

"No," he agreed, sobering. "I suppose not. Are you absolutely, positively, unbelievably, and undeniably sure that you're not dead?"

"I don't feel dead and I show every sign of being alive. I suppose it's possible that I'm dead, because it seems rather impossible that I'm standing here with you… but I've always preferred to believe in the impossible. Therefore, I am alive and I'm fine with being _considered_ dead. It means that I no longer have any obligations in a world that has absolutely no meaning for me. My unfinished business there is quite finished. If you will all have me, I'd really rather stay here. I've never really fit in there… after all."

"After all," the Hatter repeated slowly and then smiled gently… indulgently… and lopsidedly at her. "It's taken you this long to find that out? Naughty."

Alice returned the grin and replied, "Well, I believe that I had more growing up to do."

He began at the beginning, placing his hand on the top of her head; then slid it down through her hair to cup her face. She closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, savoring the scratchy feel of the ever present bandage against her cheek.

"Yes," he said quietly. "You're finally the right size at last… inside and out."

"The right size for what?" she questioned, opening her eyes and falling into his as easily as if they were a deep rabbit hole.

"For this," and he pressed his lips to hers. They were soft, slightly dry, had a mild hint of tea flavoring them, and were full of the promise of at least a thousand impossible things to believe in. When he pulled away after a long moment his eyes widened in surprise and he laughed.

The laugh surprised her. It was a truly amused sound and had an echo of sanity to it that she'd never heard in his laugh before.

He tilted her chin up and examined her flushed face and neck. "You weren't sunburned after all, were you?"

She looked down in mock consternation before smiling brightly. "No, I wasn't. But I'd really rather you believed that I was."

He wrapped his hands around her waist and lifted her onto the mare. He paused a moment before climbing up behind her, and caught her gaze with his. The look that was in his eyes was full of curiosity, compassion, madness, admiration, and something else that she couldn't name.

"I will believe in anything that you would like me to believe in, Alice…" He was suddenly behind her on the horse, arms wrapped around her waist, bandaged fingersgripping the reigns, his mouth whispering quiet words in a rough Scottish accent against her ear. "Because… because I believe in you."

He gently snapped the reigns and the magnificent horse cantered off. He continued to lean forward against Alice's back whispering words into her ear, asking her assistance in his continuing investigation of words that begin with the letter M; such as merit and miracles and…

_Matrimony__**.**_

Queen Mirana stood on the shore looking after them with her fists on her hips in a rather unladylike posture.

"I don't believe this," she sighed.

The quarter moon rose above the horizon, grinning across the sea just above her left shoulder as she stared after the departing couple. Slowly and quite impossibly, it turned upside down and two slit pupils surrounded by emerald irises appeared below it shortly followed by the face, body, and tale of a large stripped cat.

"I can," the cat replied conversationally, delighted when the queen jumped. "After all, he could not be more perfect for her if she had dreamed him up herself."

* * *

_A/N: I hope that everyone enjoyed this story and I would like to thank those who read it. Here is a list of the more obscure M words used in this story. _

_**Maliferous**__- harmful; unhealthy _

_**Myoxine**__-of, like or pertaining to dormice _

_**Manicism**__- left-handedness_

_**Mammiforous**__- having breasts_

_If anyone is interested in a good site to find obscure words then I highly recommend _


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